Thanks everyone for your help! This scene is shaping up nicely. I've written more of it and changed the beginning, with your suggestions in mind.
I'm trying to 'punch' it up and make it more exciting and interesting after adding the details. Any suggestions would be welcome!
( More of the Kali and Admiral sceneCollapse )
Hi everyone, I'm trying to work on a better opening to this next chapter. I want to capture Kali's nervousness. I've tried two different ones, each marked in a different colour. Which opening would be more interesting/have more punch? I like elements of each one. The first one is shorter of course and has fewer details. But it establishes relationships in a few short lines. The second reads slower and has more details. Or maybe start it a different way? I need some suggestions. Thanks =)
Alright, I've added a third version. This one tries to combine elements of both and tries to 'speed' up the flow to make it read better. Still not happy with it.
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Why don't we all post a snippet of something we're working on for review? Add it as a comment to this post?
I'll bite the bullet and post first. I'll include a list of things I need reactions to, or suggestions for, from the reviewers apart from general comments.
We'll hash out the details of what this community will be like as we go along and change it as fits our needs.
The idea I had (let me know if this is what every wants or expected) is that this is not a place for betas, though we can do beta-like things, depending on the individual reviewer.
But pressing questions we might have that most commenters may not answer are:
- Brit picking
- Are certain things working? (is a funny scene funny? a sad scene sad? a sensual scene flat? is the action exciting? is a mystery obvious?)
- Is a character consistent? (with canon? within the logic of the story? - we'll stay away from personal fanons and look at the piece on its merit according to the preferences of the writer of the piece)
- How is the flow of the piece? Are there enough descriptions? Is there too much tell and not enough show?
- How does the dialogue come across? How about POVs?
- Does something come across as confusing for a reader?
- Do certain sections lag or hold a reader's interest?
- What would help punch up a scene? Make it more funny, sad, angsty, sensual...?
- Does the beginning of a piece capture the interest right away?
1. Recurrent mistakes
5. Plot development
Are you stuck on something? Need suggestions or advice?
Each writer would, along with their work, submit a list of specific things they'd like reviews on in terms of the above, or other details.
Just a few suggestions of the things that we could do as reviewers of each other's work that most commentors or even betas wouldn't think of.
Of course, we'd be diplomatic and supportive. Perhaps give suggestions.
What does everyone think? Are we're interested in these kinds of details?
What would you like to see out of this community? Let's build one that is useful and would work for all of us.
Though this is a Blakes 7 writing community, we could accept pieces from other fandoms and original works too.
Imagination is our only limit.
Sooo, what do you call a group of writers? A gaggle? A quorom? A colony? A troup? A clutter? A band? A herd? A cast?